Goblin Quest and Goblin Hero

Title: Goblin Quest/Goblin Hero
Author: Jim C. Hines
Publisher: DAW (Dope Aspiring Writers)

Pages tell me:


Hello dear stranger on the internet that i may not allow in my home but will gladly allow you to enter the web space and peruse(please don't kill me by internet magic, thats a thing, not made up)

In a long line of fantasy books, you'll usually come up with some that aren't epic, grand or even all that clever. These aren't epic or grand but the idea is somewhat clever. And by somewhat, I mean more than what you're thinking right now.

Anti-hero's have always been cool. The strong loner with skills that defy logic and save the day while killing hordes of evil monsters may be what you're thinking when I say that word: anti-hero.

This would be true in most books, but not so in this one. Here we have a parody of ze anti hero. He's still a loner but he's a scrawny little goblin. Oh no. A goblin you say, but they're despicable. Ugly even. Well yes, the rules of being a goblin are very different, our main character Jig(Great name. Simple to remember. I like that) is an unloved goblin whose primary job is keeping the muck sconces full of the volatile muck and his secondary job is too be picked on by larger meaner goblins, which is pretty much everyone else.

Jig inadvertently gets caught up with some humans, a half elf and a dwarf off in search of a treasure of the greatest kind: no not gold, not silver, yes something magical, no, not a unicorn, noooo, i said not a unicorn. I know they're magical but that's not the magic we're searching for.  Yes. It's one of those magic things. OK. No spoiling it for the others.

After much adventure, and quite a few close calls, Jig dies. Ha, just messing with you. You know most main characters never die. He manages to save the day though and returns home if not triumphant but alive. Which is whats really important to said goblin.

The second book find our friend Jig, happy and content with just being alive. The other goblins still make fun of him but he's learned something that benefits them all. No, I won't tell you. No. Stop that. No badgering the writer. I'll smack you with my net pen. Yes, that exists. You keep talking like that and we'll see whats what.

Jig's somewhat content with his life but adventure is once again thrust on his tiny little shoulder than are hardly sufficient to hold up his twig like arms. The Orges have coming requesting his help.(He's become a little famous at this point) Helping this time are two other goblins,  Grell, an elderly goblin who's real job is taking care of baby goblins, which she hates and Braf, a hulking goblin(ha, cause he's green) who's about as stupid as they come. Though not by choice Jig is followed by a fat goblin Veka, who wants nothing more than to be a great hero(heroine).

Oh Jig's adventures are always delightful as are his choice in what to eat when "food" comes around.

Take a read. Fast books. Literally you'll be done in minutes and by minutes I mean a few hours unless you're one of those freakish fast readers.

Not something I read

Though I've not stopped reading, if I do I die. That's what the man in a green trench coat told me when I was 8. Or was that LaForge on Reading Rainbow. Seems about right.

So last night, my improv class(and by my improv class, i mean one i'm a student in, not the teacher) went to watch a Second City production called: We’ve Totally (Probably) Got This. 

O ze dark humor, how I loves it. This show is a classic blend of witty commentary on today's political climate, some great physical scenes and finally all out improv at the end which had this manly man crying with laughter.

I wish I had taken notes but this is what comes to mind, and I won't go into full disclosure as I want everyone to go out and support ze arts.Also in no order whatsover

Straight up funny scenes:

The Lawyers on TV sketch - quick shorts but soo funny. Their Connery accents at the end though atrocious made me hiccup giggle.

Valentines day card in school - the emotional conquest that occurred there, the anguish, the uncertainty, oooo so good

Lunch on a bench - I think that scene holds a special place in my heart as I've dreamed of doing that over and over...and over.

Fallen Soldier - Going above and beyond for a fallen comrade. Isn't that what wars really about?


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So, in conclusion I rock. Oh and the shows pretty good too.

Be a MAN. Or WOMAN. Go see the show.


The Second City Theatre - 51 Mercer St., Toronto
Box Office: 416-343-0011

The Name of the Wind

Title: The Name of the Wind
Author: Patrick Rothfuss
Publisher:DAW(da da daw daw)

What me thinks:

Here's an excellent read. Something that makes you read, forgetting time, food, bathing or even the person you're currently living with(real or imaginary).

I do enjoy a book that comes at you with this type of aggression. You're being told a tale and this tale is exactly what you want. A person goes to school after being with "gyspies" or travelling performers. Well not a normal person, what fun is that. Before he even gets to this point, he's lived as a street urchin as well. Dam this kid is all bout the hard life. This person has been taught a little bout sympathies(MAGIC!). We follow the story as he then goes to the school for magic(Hogwarts is fun and all but lets get serious, this stuff kills!)

Nope, not going to tell you how he does. Really, you have a mind, what do you think happens...do you think he's going to fail miserably. DOH! I've already said too much.

Ok back to the story, while this typical of such fantasy stories, where a downtrodden character has powers yet untested and bla bla bla, it's set up in an adult fashion. The writing is suberb, the description and storytelling take you out of this world and firmly into Rothfuss's mind.

My stance: Buy! And then buy the 2nd part when it comes out in paperback.(BECAUSE HARDCOVERS ARE EXXXXXPENSIVE UNLIKE YO MAMA'S TIME)

The Clockwork Vampire Chronicles

Title: The Clockwork Vampire Chronicles ( It's above and here's a handy dandy link)

Author: Andy Remic

Publisher: Angry Robot 

my word on it:

Here I was, downtown Toronto, in my happiest of places, the Worlds Biggest Bookstore, located on Edwin between Bay and Yonge(if this means nothing to you...google will help). I did my usual perusal and found something interesting, What you ask?, breathing heavily. First of all stop that..it's creepy. 

I picked up the first of the series: Kells Legend. A homage to Gemmell's Druss, admitted freely by Remic in the afterword. What we have here is something that's familiar to most of us Fantasy nerds, the start of an adventure. The main characters are quickly explored. A normal uni girl with a cantankerous grandpa that her mom doesn't approve of for unknown reasons but he treats her like gold. Soon events come up that turn her world around and she sets off on a mad dash adventure full of action, horror and some fun.

WARNING WARNING.

I won't be telling you the story. You can read the back like everyone else or read it yourself. I'm telling you if I liked it or not. 


So I swallowed the content in a few hours, it's extremely easy to read, there's not unnecessary imagery used, it's fast paced and action oriented. This swallowing happens when I enjoy a book. 
Thus my next purchase: Soul Stealers, followed quickly by Vampire Warlords. 


(Hopefully the titles inform you a bit about some of the content, yes vamps!! No glittery shit here though.)

I was content reading this. It did not have the same majesty of the aforementioned Druss but Gemmell is special. 


Remic is on his way to being just as special. I just hope he makes his characters a bit more real and complete.


Final SAY: Buy. It's fun and a quick read.